Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers - The Funny Short Jokes Of The Day "Actual Bumper Stickers". Joke of the day is a clean, funny joke posted each morning for your enjoyment! Actual Bumper Stickers

• The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.


• If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.


• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.


• If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.


• Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.


• We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.


• Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.


• Born free... taxed to death.


• The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


• Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.


• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.


• A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.


• There's too much blood in my alcohol system.


• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


• Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.


• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.


• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


• BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.


• I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.


• So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!


• Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.


• Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.


• I need someone really bad... are you really bad?


• If, a two letter word for futility


• I don't care, I don't have to.


• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


• Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.


• To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.


• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.


• Horn broken, watch for finger.


• All men are idiots ... I married their king.


• The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.


• My kid had sex with your honor student.


• Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.


• Give pizza chants.


• Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.


• This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.


• How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!


• If something goes without saying, LET IT!


• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.


• Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply


• Work is for people who don't know how to fish.


• IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.


• Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.


• Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole.


• Life's a buffet... so eat me!


• I'm just driving this way to piss you off.


• Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.


• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.


• Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.


• I love cats ... dead ones


• I love cats ... they taste just like chicken


• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.


• Keep honking, I'm reloading.


• Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.


• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.


• Spotted owl taste just like chicken.


• Hang up and drive.


• Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.


• Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.


• Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.


• I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.


• WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition


• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep


• I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


• Tow-ers will be violated


• Montana -- At least our cows are sane!


• Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.


• Lord save me from your followers.


• Meat is yummy!


• Mean people rule!


• Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.


• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.


• Born again pagan.


• God must love stupid people, he made so many.


• I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.


• So many recipes, so few cats.


• Cats... the other white meat.


• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.


• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.


• Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!


• There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart.


• Save a mouse... Eat pussy!


• P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tasty Animals


• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


• It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.


• When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.


• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.


• Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.


• Wink, I'll do the rest!


• Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.


• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.


• When there's a will, I want to be in it!


• Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?


• I love animals...they're delicious.


• If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?


• Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!


• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.


• Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!


• Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !


• Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.


• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.


• I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.


• Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.


• Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling to good myself.


• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.


• A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.


• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.


• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.


• Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.


• Beam me up Scotty, there are no virgins left.


• Beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks!


• Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.


• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.


• I souport publik edekasion


• hoket on foniks werked fur me


• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.


• 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.


• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?


• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.


• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.


• I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.


• I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.


• Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.